I can see your smile.
The dark hair on your perfect head.
You have that ‘new baby’ smell that warms hearts just thinking about it. I count your fingers and your toes and breathe a sigh of relief as they are all there.
Your eyes are big and brown; jut like mine. You are perfect. I can’t help but to tear up as I hold you. You, my missing puzzle piece that fits perfectly into my arms.
I smell your head and kiss it. How did I get so lucky?
Your tiny little lips begin to quiver and I think to myself that you really do ‘have your father’s smile.’ In this moment, life makes sense. In this moment, I am complete.
But the blaring of my alarm clock snaps me back reality.
You aren’t here.
You aren’t real.
I look down and my arms are empty. But you were just there, how can this be? I can still smell the newness of your skin. I can still see your big brown eyes gazing up at me.
But you are fading away.
I can hear the birds chirping and the light peering through the blinds.
I am fully awake now.
And fully aware that you were just a dream.
If only my desire to have you was enough for you to be here with me.
I plant my feet on the ground and know that the only way I am going to make it through today is knowing that I will see you again, tonight, in my dreams.
And I can’t wait.