Today hit me like a ton of bricks. Like the heavens opened up and the rained down doom and gloom. The firing squad was out full force today. While I felt completely attacked today (on more than one occasion I might add), I do have something that I am grateful for today.
We all have heard that quote, “Don’t be ashamed to share your story, it will inspire others.” It is all over pinterest and we have seen the images shared and reshared a thousand or so times by now. I don’t think I have been ashamed to share my story. Scared? Yes. Without a doubt. I don’t scare THAT easily, but when you are struggling with something that might not necessarily be easy to discuss, you second guess yourself.
It is no secret that I belong to the infertility club. This isn’t a club that you want a membership to. Trust me. If you make the decision that you don’t want to do something that is your choice. But when you want to do something and you can’t it is maddening. I want to be a mother. I want to carry my own child. I am struggling with that. As a way to deal with this struggle, I share my journey. I don’t share this for sympathy; I truly share this because I know that there are a lot of women who are silently struggling with this. They feel alone, and depressed and they are scared to say that they too are struggling. And today, I know why it is so hard to share something that makes people feel uncomfortable.
They strike back. I do not know if it is out of fear or anxiety, but when you share your story and others start to feel uncomfortable about what you are sharing, they get upset. Not once, not twice, but on three different occasions TODAY, I have received messages about how sharing my infertility journey makes other people feel. And here is my response:
If you feel uncomfortable with my reality, imagine this being your reality. If you don’t like something that I posted, you can simply choose not to read it. But I can’t choose to stop living it. You feeling uncomfortable does not heal my body and make it magically work the way it is supposed to. You feeling uncomfortable about how open I am with my journey does not make sharing it any easier for me. You telling me how uncomfortable it makes you feel reading my story, definitely does not make it easier for me to share. Infertility is like one of those things that no matter how hard you try, you will never truly understand it until you live it. It is like losing a parent. Sadly, I belong to both clubs. Neither of them are very comfortable to be a part of.
But you know why I will continue to share my story? Well, because it is mine and I can. I will share my story because I know that it is inspiring women. For every one person that doesn’t like it, there are 5 ladies who do not feel alone and afraid because I am here for them. Sharing my story with others is how I process what is happening with my body. Sharing my story helps me heal.
So even though I do not want to belong to this club, I am grateful to have the opportunity to share this journey with the world. I am also so grateful to the women of this club that stand beside me and shower me with love when I feel under attack.