Hi there! I heard you haven’t been feeling well and you have recently been diagnosed with a viral infection. It is called Jane-itis. What’s that? You have never heard of Jane-itis? You aren’t sure how you were exposed to it and contracted it? Don’t worry. I will tell you all about Jane and her itis, how you were exposed and contracted it, as well as how to cure it. Warning: There is no medication to cure your Jane-itis. The doctor is in. You may now proceed. (Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, but I am sure you figured that out by now. Ok. Now you may proceed.)
Do you ever find yourself jealous of other women? Before you are quick to say no, consider the following:
- Do you ever find yourself scrolling through your social media feeds and saying things like, “I wish I had her shirt”, “I wish I had her car”, “I wish I had the network she has” or “why does she have a boyfriend/husband and I don’t?”
- Do you find yourself justifying the things she possesses by saying things like “she has a bigger market than me so it is easy for her” or “she has financial backing (or her family supports and helps her) and I am trying to do this on my own.”
- Do you find yourself nitpicking and tearing apart every single thing she posts in order to make yourself feel a tiny bit better?
Can I be perfectly honest with you? I am guilty of all of these things. Every single one of them. And I am guilty of a lot more, but we aren’t talking about that right now, Ha!
But seriously though, jealousy rears its ugly head even when I am trying to be more conscious about it. So I thought I would share with you some action steps on how to elevate higher and not partake in jealousy.
Before I begin, I just want to say that I believe that jealousy is a natural emotion. I do also believe that there is a fine line between being inspired by someone and being jealous of them. In my experience, most of my jealous feelings have come from a place of inspiration. What happens to that inspiration is this:
You come across a kick ass woman. She owns her life and her endeavors and you are like “Wow! Jane is amazing. I want to be like Jane.” But instead of taking the inspiration drawn from Jane back into your own lane and using it for your own endeavors, you start to dig deeper into Jane’s life. There you are liking her status on Facebook and giving a heart or two on her Instagram posts and before you know it, you are knee-deep and 5 years back on her feeds. You turn stalker-ish. Not in a “you are going to fly to Jane’s hometown and sit in her favorite coffee shop and wait for her to walk by” stalker-ish, but you are obsessing about Jane and her life. You become so wrapped up in her snapchat and her Insta-stories that you have completely lost sight of your own vision.
If this scenario sounds remotely familiar, don’t lose hope.
- Level the playing field. If I find myself starting down the rabbit hole described above, the first thing I do is level the playing field in my head. How I accomplish this is by sending Jane a genuine compliment. If Jane is celebrating a recent accomplishment, I will reach out and congratulate her. I always do this in a private message, a DM or an email. The reason why I do this is because if I approach Jane as I would a close friend, the feeling of jealousy subsides. For me, when my friends are out there crushing goals and winning, I cheer them on! So the same goes for Jane. Once I do this, I have leveled the playing field and I can go back to being inspired by Jane and not obsessing and being jealous of Jane.
- Unfollow Jane. Yup I said it. If Jane is a trigger for me, I unfollow her. After I send her a genuine message, I will unfollow all of the accounts that sent me down the rabbit hole in the first place. It is way too easy to spend endless hours scrolling through social media. How I combat this is to unfollow people. Don’t be afraid to take a break from social media altogether if the business you are in will allow it.
- Redeem your time. What I do to accomplish this is I focus all of “Jane attention” on my next project. All of the time I gained back by unfollowing Jane I put back into myself and my business. Maybe I sit down and write all of my blog posts for the next week, or maybe I get on the elliptical and binge watch Gilmore Girls. Sometimes I will draw a nice hot bath, filled with Epsom salts and essential oils, light my favorite candle and listen to an audiobook, or classical music. This helps me to clear my head. Before long, my jealousy of Jane is a fleeting memory.
We have all heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy” and I agree wholeheartedly. I know this is easier said than done and I too am a work in progress. But I find strength in the fact that jealousy has reared its ugly head less and less for me over the past few months and I am getting more and more comfortable in my own skin. We are here, on the brink of 2018. If you are finding yourself a victim to Jane-itis, I want to encourage to try these steps above. Leave a comment below or shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org as I would love to hear your thoughts.
I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from a much wiser doctor:
“Today you are you!
That is truer than true!
There is no one alive that is you-er than you!”
~ Dr. Seuss